My Immortal: With Commentary by the Bored
by TheHogwartsActress
Summary: It is what it says. Needed to distract myself, so here is my take on the godawful abuse of the english language MY IMMORTAL! M for poorely written sex scenes and pointless swearing  by me, to highlight the stupedness she uses it  R & R
1. Chapter 1

Everything harry potter related, which is very few, is J.K Rowlings and the rest is "Tara's", the author of the hell hole that is ... My Immortal. Everything in bold are my comments. Enjoy the eyeball boiling My Immortal

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **Wow! Neverr, I'm supper "goffik" too, yeh so fuck you preps : D **2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Ok, 1) Only thought it when you said it an 2) Homophobic much,** raven**,**! bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling** Curse you to hell Raven**. U rok! Justin **Bieber! Dancing like Justin Beiber Oooo coz we got Beiber fever oooo, u two really suit each! You know, being insane and annoying together! Genius**. ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **Oh God, save me**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia **Dementia? The illness that destroys brain cells, it's got you in one Ebony.** Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Err neveeerr, I thought it was because that's the only thing you can spell, and later you get confused with Enoby. **with purple streaks and red tips **because everyone has that naturally, yeah my hair has neon pink stripes through it, is was born that way. NOT.**that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here**!) I should be going then, I know who it is but my brain is frying from this**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.** Yeh I wish I was related to my crush (youtuber Charlie McDonnell) because incest is a turn on, err so not!** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **I've got fangs because I'm not a fucking Mary Sue, who sucks blood with perfect teeth but I drink blood with pointy ones.** I have pale white skin **And you sparkle right? Please tell me you sparkle**. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Scotland** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)**I thought you were a Mary Sue actually** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there **Awww, I've been picturing you in a poufy princess gown**. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it **Don't care** and a black leather miniskirt, **You know instead of goth, the look screams slut. **pink fishnets **Pink? Super hardcore goth** and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **I thought you were pale? And sparkly** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining** wow, what kinda weather are you seeing in your fucked up brain, i never knew Scotland was as fucked as you Ebony** so there was no sun**, Aww, we don't see your sparkles** which I was very happy about. **Don't be ashamed of your sparkling skin**, A lot of preps stared at me **Hiya Ebony, *waves happily*.** I put up my middle finger at them. **That's how I greet everyone, it just makes life better.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Duhn Duuhhhn Duhhhh**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Has she ever read the books, or seen the films?  
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>But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. <strong>OMFG! She has friends!<strong>

So that was the first chapter of MY IMMORTAL! I know it's been done before, but I have a lot of challenges to do, and this is fun and easy to do, I'm just procrastinating, so I thought, why not.

Love Rose :D

P.S. Please read and review!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 **Again, I hate you Raven "bloodytearz666" but am likin your gothik username though XD** 4 helpin me wif da chapta How did she help? **By giving you the slutty outfit descriptions, coz she must be as brain dead as Ebony to think that this is good, and spelt correctly**! BTW preps **Hiya Ebony, It's me the prep again! **Hey stop flaming **I wish I could take an actual flamethrower to this story** ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom **Really? I usually wake up in a warehouse somewhere, but maybe that's just me**. It was snowing and raining again **WTF, is up with the fucked up weather again**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **what happened to drinking from a corpse? Or do you not want to stain your "****straight and white" perfect teeth**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **another pink thing, soooo very "Gothik**" velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin **wait, didn't that already happen? Or is it soo crap that I think it already happened**. took of my giant MCR** I might count how many times any "Gothik bands are mentioned**? t-shirt which I used for pajamas **I use a tiger costume for mine, but that's just me**. Instead, I put on a black leather dress **won't you get hot? Oh no I forgot Twilight vamps were too cold anyway, you won't get hot but will look fucking stupid, **a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow that **sounds like a cat, except when in Buffy. Then It's awesome!** (AN: Raven dis is u! **Oh for fucks sake, Raven I blame you for this**) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven **That's how she got her name, get it? No? Fuck you then you preppy ungothik people, bet you're all fuckin Hillary Duff wannabes lol** black hair with pink streaks S**tealing my look! How dare you! **and opened her forest-green eyes **wait, she woke up and grinned, but didn't open her eyes? Wow, your friends are almost as fucked as you Ebony**. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets **I may also count how many times she wears leather and fishnets, it'll pass 1000000000000000000000000000** and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **is Willow jealous of your sparkly skin?** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **Goths can be excited?**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **I though vampires couldn't blush? Doesn't matter, she's not a vamp, just a Mary Sue**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin **why are all Mary Sues in Slytherin? It's like they've never heard of any other ones**. common room and into the Great Hall. This might be the only time you spell it "Great" and not "Grate"

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Woah Ebony, no need to shout! *Cries in corner***

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **Because your cool like that**

"Hi." he said. **Usually I greet people with "What the fuck do you think you're doing you little fucking Hillary Duff prep!" but "Hi" will do**

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Never do that again**

"Guess what." he said. **This was just a dream and "My Immortal" never existed, so now I can stop losing my brain cells minute by minute**

"What?" I asked. **The suspense is killing me, that's what makes a good writer**

"Well, Good Charlotte **Oh For Fucks Sake** are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **This is the fourth fucking "Gothik" band mention, enjoy many more in the coming chapters**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Because I finally managed to shoot her**


End file.
